Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
