I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
