I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We need to get me chipped asap
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
