fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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