Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were trust falling into bushes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
