pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
