I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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