I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i have two assholes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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