yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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