Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
