Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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