you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
