Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize