After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
