Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
