apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
