and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
