let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
