She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
