why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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