Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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