yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
