So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize