Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
