i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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