i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
