There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
