This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
