Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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