What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
