Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
