i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
