Three words: puerto rican gang bang
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
