My room smells like vodka and shame
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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