Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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