I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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