I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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