If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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