I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
