Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
