we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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