So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
