Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
