why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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