Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize