I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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