I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize