I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
