You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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