I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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