all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize