Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
