you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
