I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
