my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
