you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Never underestimate the power of titties
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
