ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
