Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
