It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize