i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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