he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
