I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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