youre lurking in front of me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
