he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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