Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
