i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His nipple licking is glorious
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