I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
