I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I cut my penus on the lid.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
