oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
