I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
