11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
