You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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