do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
