$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
