it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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