Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
