It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
