I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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