cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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