I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
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One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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