I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
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when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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