and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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