shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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