My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
