worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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